Becoming Emotionally Available

Hello, my friends I promised you an article regarding emotionally unavailable people. But firstly, I would like to apologise for the delay. To be honest with you, I found it difficult to write about it, as I was caught in ambivalence. Initially, I began writing about men who are resistant to commitment and how to recognise such men, all of which I deleted. I then began to write about women who allow inconsistent behaviour in their lives and who obsess about these types of men. Again, I erased it all and finally had an AHA moment when I realized that emotionally unavailable men magnetise emotionally unavailable women! They are drawn to one another and at the end of the day, it boils down to having a deeply hidden fear of others. Yes exactly! some humans are afraid to connect with other humans and that is because there is a fear of not being worthy and good enough! How sad is that?

I would like to add though, that being emotionally unavailable brings an apparent sense of freedom to our lives because we are left without responsibilities, worries, and burdens caused by others; but at the same time, this results in isolation and detachment. And as our fear of people grows dangerously within us we lose the sense of why we are here, on this earth. Because no matter how focused we are on ourselves and no matter how much love we give to ourselves, even if we have convinced ourselves “that we come to this world alone and depart alone,” there is well-hidden grief deep down that grows because we are desperate for deep connections; we are actually wired to have deep connections. It is in our genes!

We can only deny this for so long. Our need to engage in deep connections always comes to the surface, but we have become so afraid that we do not allow ourselves to have intimate experiences with others because we are fearful of awakening our vulnerabilities; it takes a great deal of vulnerability to become intimate with someone and for some this is like a danger zone; hence we refuse to invest in relationships. Unfortunately, our brain has not only been deeply programmed to repeat our parents’ relationship dynamics but also we are blocked in obsolete stereotype roles of controlling each other. And instead of holding on to gratitude for the things that make us happy, we can only think of catastrophes…. Also, something that I still observe a lot is a tendency to concentrate mainly on the negative core traits of people. Actually, we have become experts in analysing other people’s negative traits letting us finally accept and embrace the negative traits enough with the criticism.

Enough with using this “toxic word”. Let us slowly find the courage to break through this egocentric tendency and make the effort to connect with humans and when we meet somebody, make an actual effort and show genuine interest. So let us begin by practicing deep connection firstly with ourselves and then with the
people we already know; for example, our family members, our friends, our co-workers, and even people, we briefly encounter in our daily life. Then, when we start practicing this new approach with people, we will master a new skill. The skill of conscious connection. Gradually, we will start to connect with our vulnerable side and have more confidence to truly share who we are and what we feel. There is so much love and emotional empowerment in that, especially when we meet people that are a source of attraction and inspiration to us. And, when we become consistent in showing genuine interest then we will feel safe with humans and we will have more courage to be emotionally available and vulnerable. At the end of the day, we are all hungry for meaningful connections. Lastly, let us show gratitude to the people who value our core gifts because these people are precious in our lives all it takes is making the effort!